Labels, Being Alone, and Backpacking
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I haven’t been writing for a while now - what is it, almost 5 months away from my blog? Life has been pretty hectic up here in Boston. But here’s a ‘throwback’ to my solo adventure back in July and August.
I had the immense privilege to have been away from home for the past 6 weeks, travelling in China to visit relatives with my family for three weeks, and backpacking Europe alone for three weeks. As a result, I haven’t been doing much writing at all, let alone on my blog. I apologise for this.
Writing is an intentionally reflective habit to nurture, and a huge intention for this time abroad was to live in the moment more - and as trite as it is, actually live in the moment without thinking for past, nor future. I felt untroubled when I was travelling, especially because I was completely alone, with no contacts in my proximity.
I realised that content is not fully authentic to oneself - some things I want to shout to the hills; mostly sharing (and showing off) learnings. But other times, I want to safeguard my sanity and my pure identity. Upon reflection, I realise how open I am with people; both a weakness and a strength.
I did, however, dictate notes to myself on Apple Notes because sometimes there are thoughts that you really just can’t afford to lose. I now realise there are many I can afford to lose in the long run, as all you experience will make an imprint on you, however way it chooses to.
When I got back from travelling, I asked myself whether or not I had changed much as a result of this trip. I don’t think I have radically changed. Those who knew me before the trip will identify many, many consistencies with who I am now. But I think the trip did give me clarity, scope, and perspective. It made me realise a bunch of things, which I’ll try to go over today, I guess.
Labels
One of my mentors who I am lucky enough to also call a friend told me that the biggest influence on a person’s development and trajectory in life is determined by their context and upbringing, which is largely decided by one’s parents. Now I have been immensely lucky in this regard, but I also recognise that we kids develop some sort of identity and purpose when we start ‘grinding’ and working harder in school. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But I now do cringe at some of my writing from months, and years ago. That’s fine by me, though - I would frankly be disappointed if I didn’t. I now recognise cringing at oneself as a sign of growth, and am happy to track the evolution of my worldview through the years.
I think we tend to thrust labels on ourselves in the face of uncertainty. We attach to these identities, which is of course natural and healthy, but sometimes we become over-attached to those descriptors - paradoxically, they enable one’s sense of self, but viscerally may take away from one’s sense of self, if that makes sense. At least I know that I was much less intrinsically fulfilled back when I used to attach labels to myself; but I also felt like I belonged. Perhaps it was some defensive mechanism that enabled this. I’m not sure.
I also now believe that radical open-mindedness may not always be the best decision in particular scenarios. When one is close-minded and stubborn, they tend to hold on to their beliefs deeply and move much faster as a result. They can just ‘lock in’, and get things done - whereas someone more open-minded will take time to hear out various ideas and concepts, challenging their own beliefs and iteratively doing this as they work, which leads to much slower progress. It’s like the old saying goes, if you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together. Both have their times and places.
But anyways, what this whole conjecture was leading up to was the shedding of labels and ‘renewing’ of identity. Yes, cringe HSC English essay wording, but that’s okay.
I think that when one travels alone, one realises that there is nothing they have to live up to. No institutions demanding that you sit in a classroom for 6 hours, no one telling you must do ABC at XYZ times, no one to impress, no one to ask for approval, no society impressing their beliefs on you. And hell, no religion too (but Europe had plenty of that)
Being Alone
I learnt to be very comfortable with solitude when I was abroad. Eating at restaurants alone is something that I’m not at all accustomed to, especially when the place is absolutely buzzing with energy. And then you walk up, and ask for a table for one. I eat very fast now as a side effect though. I never had any opinions when I ate - I always went in with an open mind and asked the waiters for their recommendations as they understood the cuisine far better than me.
Being alone meant that I had total freedom on how I moved about. My record time to pack up all my stuff into one small suitcase and a backpack was around 15 minutes when I had overslept and missed my alarm. Very different to the frankly high stress environment encompassing travel with friends or family. I also realised that no one really cares about you, which, taken the right way, can be extremely liberating.
I had so many fun stories to tell and shared experiences with random people… and I’ll likely never see them again. But in some way, that ephemerality is beautiful because you have no other intention but to learn from the other person and see more of the world
There is so much history and culture in Europe. One of my friends aptly described every European city as having been influenced by ‘either Jesus, WW2, or the Cold War and Communism.’
The most fascinating for me was entering the cathedrals dedicated to Christ and his followers. The absolutely gorgeous architecture, artworks in museums like the Rijksmuseum (Amsterdam) + Belvedere (Vienna) and even entering the catacombs of St Stephans Cathedral (seeing the bones and coffins of previous church leaders and followers) made me realise how much faith these people had in Christ. It’s hard to not feel spiritual in those places.
I absolutely loved Potsdam - perhaps the most beautiful of them all. Sanssouci and New Palace were great. But I think it was the Commons Building of the University of Potsdam that was most incredible. I had initially only wanted to go to Sanssouci because of how far it was from New Palace/UofPotsdam Commons but decided to leg the 30min walk anyways. I’m glad I did - it was absolutely magnificent. And there, I met these two German best friends - one with a Sri Lankan background, the other Caucasian. The former was probably the most spiritual I’ve ever met. Once they left, I went to the middle of the university - and I could feel something. Maybe it was the jawdropping architecture, maybe it was the gods looking down on me. I don’t know. I was 2 beers in and on autopilot. But seeing that building, holy fuck. It was absolutely beautiful. As the Sri Lankan said, we met, due to the law of attraction.
Same with the Justice Palace in Brussels. I was playing basketball in some other part of the city and rushed over to the Justice Palace to catch the sunset. I had unfortunately missed it, and out of impulse, I asked these two dudes if they had seen the sunset and gotten photos. When they responded yes to the first and no to the second, I decided to buy them some beers anyways. I legged it down to the convenience store, asked the cops which I should buy, and then got back up to the lads. We sat on a ledge of the Justice Palace, shared stories, and enjoyed our beers. Like free fucking men.
In Budapest, I met my name brother. Some big German dude walked into my hostel room completely drunk with maybe 20 standards in him at around 1am. I asked his name, to which he responded that it was Juri, pronounced the same way as my own name. When he heard this, he said that I had to as a result go out drinking with him. I was about to sleep, so I said no, but we played a best of 3, scissors paper rock - I lost, of course, so we go out for a beer. On the way to the convenience store, we’re approached by a variety of interesting people. Dealers, street girls, you name it. Juri randomly starts talking to 3 British dudes because one of them looked like a guy from our hostel, he borrows one of their smokes, and gives them a hand with directions. I leave before the guys go clubbing because Budapest is the last stop on my journey and I don’t wanna get caught solo and drunk out of my mind. It’s 1:30am at this point, and Juri’s flight is at 9am on the same day. At 3am, I got up to go to the toilet, and Juri is there to greet me with a big hug and a ‘fich dich’ as a farewell.
How to Live
Europeans have immensely different worldviews to the rest of the world. Very noticeably, the American passion can be found in their studies or their work. Whereas European passion is found in literally every other aspect of their lives. Europeans are more than happy to spend 6 hours at a restaurant chatting with loved ones and friends. Or to sit by the banks of a river/canal and enjoy a bottle of wine while lounging about. Americans and Asians would never relax so much - for Americans, it is ambition and the American Dream. For Asians, it is sacrifice and loyalty towards family.
No one really cared that I went to Harvard, if they even asked at all. And there was a beauty to that. They only cared about your ideas and your soul. When we are in the most productive states, we tend to not notice the immense beauty within the world. Being on a gap year helps you do exactly that - realise all the possibilities that are right in front of you which you usually miss when you’re focused on improving yourself conventionally. Europeans love the act of noticing.
“Every American should live in the Mediterranean for at least a year. We have a Calvinist work ethic transported from northern Europe. When you live in the most beautiful place on Earth, that seems less and less important.” - From Humans of New York
I’m learning to be comfortable with not treating attractions like ticking things off a list when I travel. It exhausted me and sometimes led me to not fully appreciate things. I was also on my phone a ton - a necessary sin to survive abroad for transport/food/recommendations. Sometimes I was in a park and got trapped in replying to messages. Regrettable, but I worked on it on the latter half of my trip. When you sit down somewhere, the first 5 mins dictates to your brain what the purpose of sitting down is.
That said, Europe is noticeable decelerating and the rest of the world is innovating rapidly. Europe has very Old Money vibes, America has a ton of New Money. East Asia is living wayyyy in the future, though.
I actually don’t feel a great longing to be back in Europe, as opposed to other holidays I’ve been on. I lived every day to the fullest and deeply experienced it all. I would definitely go again but I feel no post travel blues. It is surreal to be back home after unfamiliarity for 6 weeks.
I Admire the Life of the Nomad
For he has no expectation to be anything at all, but rather, he is the embodiment of total freedom in his exploration of the ends of the world, in doing so, becoming his true self. No expectations, no labels.
There is a beauty to the serendipitous conversations I’ve had with strangers in a mysterious land halfway across the world from home. In a way, we silently acknowledge that we will probably never see each other again, but as a result, we are free to live and converse in a way that is beautiful for the soul. Discussing things with no purpose but to learn more about how a fellow human lives their life. Even across language barriers, there is somehow a language understood by all humanity.
Even if only for a brief, ephemeral moment, we live the lives our creator intended for us, in nothing but benevolence. No ulterior motives. No matter the language, colour, or background. We live freely and authentically, in pure liberation.
Iconic Moments
Watching a guy roll a joint by the canal in Amsterdam while I ate kapsalon (Dutch halal snack pack)
Watching the sunset and drinking beers with random Belgians under a palace
Walking 45k steps, climbing a huge hill by the English Channel, and seeing Stonehenge in the UK
Watching the sunset from my hotel room in Berlin, doner kebab in one hand, beer in the other + meeting the most spiritual guy ever by a palace + ancient university under the eyes of the gods in Potsdam
Listening to a guy’s relationship troubles while having beers in a beer garden overlooking Prague
Listening to an Italian opera rendition of Othello under a beautiful city hall in Vienna + seeing the burial grounds of previous priests under the most beautiful cathedral
Grabbing beer with my name brother Juri at 1am, being offered sex and cocaine on the streets
What a period of my life - utter liberation, completely transformative.
